Alright. This is one bitch of an irony for our situation. We’re sitting in the hospital room watching an older church service since the stream we’ve tried to watch be busted for whatever reason. Things happen so we adjusted.
It was an amazing service to watch. I admittedly didn’t get as much out of the sermon due to having nurses and techs come in several times, so I wasn’t very focused. The little I do remember is the first song they sang, hence the title.
Kinda funny how I can’t remember where I was going with this one. It’s been a week since I started writing this post, so a lot has happened and a lot of sleep has been lost. The big thing is that now Steph is in getting a procedure done to help get back on track with pain management and back to using a tube feed. Two huge things that have been holding her back from improving.
A shit-ton of emotions have coursed through my body in the past few days as we battle the changes in pain meds, personnel that are willing to go the extra mile vs people doing the bare bones minimum. We’ve seen both extremes and thankfully the former far outweighs the latter.
Personally, and I don’t know why I share this so publicly, but the most painful part of things hasn’t been the lack of me being able to take away Steph’s pain while she waits for the next med she’s allowed to have to be delivered. No, it’s been helping her begin to process everything she’s been through since we first arrived at the hospital September 12th. Holy shit. Yes, more than a month and a half.
What I mean by painful is that I’ve already had some time to process losing our sweet baby girl Gretchen Christine. No, definitely not come to terms completely, and guessing I never will, but I’ve been walking Steph through things, and knowing that right now she can’t remember doing skin to skin with Gretchen after she came back from the emergency c-section tears me apart. That was perhaps the most important thing to her. I know her body is probably blocking things to protect her so she can heal physically right now, but damn. She has seen picture of her holding Gretchen and such, but can’t remember the most important part of that day.
I could get mad at God for all this shit we’re going through, but quite frankly I don’t know what good that would do. I already only have so much energy in a day, so that just seems like a waste to me. I’m super thankful for all God has done for us in bringing an amazing support system around us, though I know that doesn’t at all mean it’s going to be any less painful of a journey. I’ve been home a few times and it hurts every time I leave our pups to head back to the hospital. They miss their mom, and it shows, and she misses them.
It’s been a decent night and my train of thought left the station, so I’m ending this one for now. Hopefully some good updates later today, but for now we’ll be content either way being thankful for a new j tube and a great team of doctors, surgeons, and nurses that have been keeping a close eye on Steph all along.
‘Til next time…
Livin' The Schmidty Lyf 
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