Not exactly sure what made me want to start this one, but I do hope it doesn’t become another of the many posts I’ve started and not been able to finish for whatever reason.
This stupid world we live in has a bad habit of making way too many incorrect definitions of what love is. Not gonna go down that rabbit hole of a rant, but rather, give mine from this past year. (Fuck….its been almost exactly that long). In not exactly chronological order…
Love…being willing to admit that if I don’t sit down while they give my wife the epidural, I’m going to become patient #2.
Love…saying yes to a dula even when I don’t fully understand what it means for my wife, especially going through the latter stages of pregnancy and labor.
Love…listening to all the possible complications as I sign the consent forms for emergency exploratory surgery.
Love…holding her hand while fading in and out of consciousness while she’s in so much pain she can’t sleep.
Love…getting out of the way so the doctors, techs, and nurses can work on her to try and figure out why her abdomen is larger and hard.
Love…walking blindly behind her hospital bed as she’s transferred rooms to try and get a tube down her esophagus into her stomach to release gas.
Love…11+ trips to Emory for esophagus dialations in preparation for yet another major surgery shortly after the 1st anniversary.
Love…endless calls to deal with damn insurance stupidity.
Love…alarms to make sure she gets her pain meds on time both in the hospital and outside (you never know when you’re getting a good nurse or just an ok one when shifts change).
Love…picking up ashes by myself (in hindsight I wish I would have had someone with me on this one).
Love…cleaning up after her while she recovers and regains strength (for her sake I won’t go into the messier details).
Love…accepting that I can’t keep the house in one piece on my own (damn it).
Love…waking up at random hours to refill water, chewing ice, drain Spitty cup, and other things while doing my best not to complain.
Love…many other things I can’t think of or bring myself to write down.
Finally…Love….hold those close to you closer and don’t be afraid to tell the ones you love exactly that. We don’t know what our new normal will look like, but we’re so damn close it’s both exciting and incredibly nerve wracking. Lots of prayers for the surgeons, nurses, techs, and such as they prepare to replumb my love’s body (only partially joking here).
‘Til next time…
Livin' The Schmidty Lyf 
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